Feelings As I Look To The Future

It’s now spring and with more and more people getting the COVID-19 vaccination, there’s the promise of a new day (Hey Paula Abdul!)!

I’m ready to put this miserable pandemic behind us! I’m also finding myself being more reflective to the future rather than being retrospective! Is that even possible for me????

This is me looking out at the world — actually looking down at a koi pond from from my hotel room in Xi’an, China, in 2016!

Since moving to Decatur April 1, 2020, (happy one year anniversary!) I’ve spent much of my time away from work reading books while walking 12-16 miles each day. While walking and reading gives me a chance to expand my knowledge and keeps me healthy, I do it mostly to keep from thinking!

I’ve always thought too much and I think about many things at the same time.

Even lately, my attention span to binge watching television series and watch movies has diminished because I feel I should be walking and reading.

However, this obsession is also keeping me from gaining weight and is helping me stay on the wagon from my eating disorder. While bulimia is a daily fight I’ll wage until the day I die, I’m happy to say it has been in check for a year now! 🙂

The only concern I have now is that one obsessive destructive disorder (bulimia) is being replaced by another obsessive compulsive disorder (exercise and burning off more calories than I consume)!

One day, I may find a balance!

(Speaking of balance — a balance beam — this is one of my 1980s crushes — Olympic gold medalist Mitch Gaylord. Please tell me I’m not the only one that went to see his movie acting debut in “American Anthem”!)

Outside of work, which I absolutely love — my schedule is amazing and it’s great to get to do what I enjoy — I have no life. Sadly, while I can blame COVID-19 for that for the past year, this started in 2017 when my former life crumbled and I left the Quad Cities.

In the year I was Panama City, Florida, I didn’t go on one date!

However, I was fortunate to make three incredible friends: Diane, from my apartment complex, and Gerard and Cathy, who started the Panama City PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) chapter.

After that, I spent two years in Duluth, Minnesota. I was forced (joking) to go out to the two gay bars in Superior, Wisconsin, one time with my crazy colleague, Dan. I had a great time.

Yet, it was Katie, my evening newscast director, and her mother, Mary Kaye, and Kass, one of my neighbors, who became my three dearest friends there.

I spent both of my Thanksgivings and Christmases in Duluth feasting with Katie and Mary Kaye (and Duke, the golden retriever).  We also made it a point to have each other over for Saturday night dinners almost monthly.

And, Kass regularly hosted cocktail hour at her place for the two of us to enjoy each other’s company and talk over a drink (or two)!

Back to the point — since leaving the Quad Cities in May 2017, I’ve gone on two dates and both were in the summer and fall of 2018 in Duluth! That’s two dates in almost four years!

Two words sum it up — sad and pathetic!

If the dates with Brian had moved toward a relationship, it would have been nice. While it didn’t, a great friendship developed!

To quote the iconic Donna Summer, “in another place and time”!


A very dear friend, now in her late-70s, lost her husband when she was around my age now. While her kids were grown and she had small grandchildren, she never dated again and never even thought about it.

She summed it up jokingly (or half-jokingly), “I’m too old to train another one!” 🙂

So, this a rhetorical question. Again, don’t answer!

Is it bad to only be 56-years-old and want to give up on wanting to meet someone and forge ahead into another possible relationship?

At the same time, while we can’t turn back time (only Cher can do that) and start over, I’m not sure I want to give up on the possibility of meeting someone new!

Although the dating scene has changed so much with apps (and not for the better), there’s a part of me that does want to go out on dates again!

It might be fun again getting to know someone and share dinners, wine, and champagne and listen to Sade!

I’ll close out with Donna Summer again from that beautiful and unappreciated 1990 album with “Love’s About To Change My Heart”!

I’m just ready to live again — post-divorce and post-COVID-19!


3 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Steve on April 14, 2021 at 12:23 pm

    Thanks for posting this blog! I’m really enjoying reading it.

    I lost my partner to cancer 8 years ago (I was 56) and have tried dating. But – maybe I’m too old to adjust to another person. I too have had a few dates but nothing spectacular. Maybe I didn’t give it enough effort. Or maybe I’m just too old. (did I repeat myself?). Anyhow – I appreciate the friends I have and even though dating would be nice it’s not a requirement. Family and friends are a requirement though!


    • Hello Steve,

      Thank you for taking the time to check out my blog and sharing your thoughts!

      I’m sorry to hear about losing your partner, especially to death! 😦

      If I don’t end up dating or in another relationship, I’d be very content with a few close friends!

      Take care and be happy!



      • Posted by Steve on April 14, 2021 at 4:02 pm

        Anthony – so nice of you to respond. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that Mr Right comes along and sweeps you off your feet! Maybe you’ll run into someone on your walks! (That’ll keep you on your toes! Ha)

        Have a great day!

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