Few have perfect lives. Some think they do, but I find those people a little suspect.
Many struggle financially. Some of those struggles are brought on by life’s circumstances and others caused by poor judgement. And, there are those that continuously make poor decisions.
While definitely not wealthy, I’m financially secure. If I want to travel or buy something, I can and it wouldn’t be a struggle. However, not all struggles are financial.
I’ve been fighting a demon since 1986 and it’ll be something I’ll struggle with and battle until the day I die. It’s the most basic thing that sustains life — along with air and water — FOOD!
Once my eating disorder started, I was a practicing bulimic for eight consecutive years (until 1994) and my weight dropped from 169 pounds to 116 pounds.
With the ignorance and the stigma surrounding the AIDS epidemic, the 1980s and the 1990s were not the time for a gay man to be frighteningly thin.
CLIMBING ON THE WAGON AND FALLING OFF (AGAIN AND AGAIN)
In July 1994, when I moved from my small Kentucky hometown to Chicago, I got on the wagon for a several months and gained a few pounds.
And then, in October, I met a charming psycho on my birthday. Dating quickly turned into a cycle of domestic abuse leading to a spring 1995 break-up. That turned into a stalker situation and a near-death experience at his violent hands.
This is a photo just after that final attack with my childhood best friend, Steve, who was visiting at the time.
You can see how alarmingly thin I was and how my clothes fit (and the gash on my forehead and the black eye)!
Okay, it’s in the past so I can laugh about this now.
When I went to the emergency room that night, the nurse looked at me with blood on my face, and asked “Which of you is the victim?” Steve and I still laugh about it to this day. (That facility looked like Haddonfield Memorial Hospital in “Halloween 2” (1981) and was staffed as poorly!)
Back to my story… needless to say, I fell off the wagon hard. However, at the darkest point that spring, I met Christopher and started my longest relationship and I got back on the wagon.
Even after we broke up after nine years (2004) and I started another relationship in 2009, I fought the food demons hard. While there were temporary bulimic lapses, I was eating sensibly and keeping the food down from 1995 through 2016.
Between the stress and disappointment of the 2016 presidential election coming at the same time my marriage and eight-year relationship was ending, I fell off the wagon again for about a year. But, I found my way back to healthy eating.
Another (non-dating) stalker situation, in Duluth, Minnesota, with the police involved, pushed me back over the edge and back to binging and purging in late 2019 and early 2020. And, that was before the stress of the pandemic.
A NEW START
As I was making my latest life move from Duluth to Decatur, Illinois on April 1, 2020, it was my chance to climb up on that wagon and take control again.
I did and I’m happy to say I’m at the three-year mark and living a healthy life!!!
In my three years in Decatur, I’ve spent much of the time walking 12-16 miles each day around beautiful Lake Decatur reading books and magazines.
It’s keeping my mind and body active.
I moved here a very unhealthy 139 pounds.
Now, I eat sensibly every day and I still enjoy several daily bites of dessert and an occasional buffet. (There were more of them when I traveled internationally, especially at breakfast! This is in Turkey. Yes, I ate every bite, kept it down, and walked it off!)
My only concern is that I’ve replaced one obsessive destructive disorder (bulimia) with by another obsessive compulsive disorder (exercise and burning off more calories than I consume)!
While I’m celebrating three years back on the wagon, I’m scared now that I’ve become a “Dog Dad” to a sweet and adorable (and crazy) little pug, Xanadu.
With the time I’m putting into potty training, obedience training, and watching her every move in the apartment, I’m no longer walking 12-plus miles a day (which was probably too much). I’m afraid that I’ll start gaining weight again by only walking six or eight miles a day.
In reality, gaining ten pounds would probably do me good. However, unless you’ve experienced an eating disorder, you don’t know how just a few pounds of weight gain can mess with your mind — much less ten pounds.
I’ve now had Xanadu a month and I’m still at ease with my weight of 140, but I think of it many times each day.
THE FUTURE
With the exception of still being single after six years, life is good.
I’m celebrating not only three years on the wagon, but also three years as the morning meteorologist at WAND and I still have two more years on my contract.
I love having my sister, Tammy, here in Decatur with me and she’s still doing well after almost dying during the holiday season of 2021 and early 2022.
She’s healthier now than she’s been in many years — if only she’d stop smoking, exercise some, and eat healthier.
I’m loving the crazy little pug, when I’m not mad at her for the incessant biting thinking I’m a “chew toy”.
And, I’m still enjoying my second Decatur apartment that I’ve been in now for over a year.
Now, I’m looking forward to having Xanadu trained so she can take one walk around the Lake with me and to be sociable enough to have people over for dinner and parties.
So, today, I congratulate myself on three years. Here’s to the next three years — day by day by day! (And, this is for anyone fighting demons every day!)
THAT’S IT
With all the craziness in the world, make it the best in your little part of it!
Anthony
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